Mr. Author:
While "Election 2016" has much to offer in the way of plots twists and page-turning drama, we will take a pass on its publication. Plausibility issues make this spicy novel a challenging read for anyone who understands how the world really works.
Let's start with the billionaire tax dodger who leads a populist movement. Really Mr. Author, is this what a latter-day William Jennings Bryan would look like? This is the man who feels the pains and frustrations of working people? And yet, this jet-setting man of the people is somehow cast as an underdog? You might want to make this Cinderella man a bit more believable before submitting your novel elsewhere.
Also in need of refinement is your Hillary character. Unseasoned writers tend to create villains that are just a bit too evil. Do you really expect the reader to buy a malefactor who is so compulsively nefarious? Is there nothing at all redeemable with this woman? Al Capone was an avid bird watcher. Hitler loved animals. Ted Bundy worked a suicide prevention hotline. Is Hillary kind to her family and the people around her? Can you find nothing to humanize this uber-villain?
Please be reminded, Mr. Author, that politics is an ongoing popularity contest. How then, could a woman so habitually nasty and repulsive be vaulted into the finals of the biggest popularity contest on Planet Earth? The reader could more easily accept Charlie Brown's baseball team winning the World Series.
We're not trying to pile on, Mr. Author, but the backdrop does not seem all that well thought out. Why would a president who failed to deliver an economic recovery, doubled the national debt, inflicted disastrous health care policies, damaged the safety and security of the nation, promoted graft and corruption on a scale never before witnessed, delivered a full frontal assault on the civil liberties of critics and rivals and showed unending sympathy for terrorists be heralded as a popular president? Such is not possible, Mr. Author.
Perhaps you should review how the world works. The news media exist to report information, not to suppress information. In "Election 2016" the press gives carte blanche to the incumbent president and his would-be successor, even covering up the possibility of the incumbent starting World War III to protect sanctioned terrorists. And the truth is only told by an Australian turned Swede turned Brit turned Ecuadorean? Would you include a globe with the hardback edition? Why not just make him an American?
By the way, you can think of no other surname for the perverted character? And this weirdo is a former congressman? And this nice Jewish boy happens to be married to a Muslim woman with terrorist pedigree who just so happens to be the right-hand lady (and possibly something more intimate) of a presidential candidate? And this guy can afford electronic devices but chooses to use his wife's gadget that contains classified emails to expose himself to dozens of strange women, even "sexting" a 15-year-old girl? You have a good imagination, Mr. Author, but you might consider a few guard rails.
The one character we all love is that bungling Comey fellow, though the similarities to Inspector Clouseau might raise questions of derivation if not charges of outright plagiarism. It is difficult for even the professional writer to combine high humor with high drama. This Keystone Cop morphed into an off-grade Harold Robbins novel might not work very well. You might consider making Comey your lead character in a light-hearted story. That might be more readable.
I hope you take the criticism in the spirit it is intended, Mr. Author. Tolkien, Burroughs, Heinlein, fill in the blank, all invite the reader into a world that is inviting and compelling and ultimately, consuming. Would you want to live in the world of "Election 2016," Mr. Author? I don't think anyone would.
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