Yes, we are still friends in the wedding and funeral sense of friendship, but I do not want to hear your opinions because you don't formulate your own opinions. You offshored that process years ago. Tell me what Google wants us to think and I will tell you what you think. Please excuse me for cutting out the middle man.
Your position is the consensus viewpoint of ABC, NBC, CBS, AP, Facebook, Yahoo, Bing, and of course, Google. I already heard it. The world has already heard it. No need for you to echo the slogan, the catchphrase, the cliche. We already heard it!
Yes, we can mingle for short periods of time, so long as the conversation stays petty. But for better or worse, small talk does not stay small these days. The elephant is always in the room. I would not care to discuss matters of substance with you, because I would not be talking with the you I had once known. I would be debating the Google Agenda.
Yes, I have changed but so have you, and you have strayed further from your baseline. I would have never befriended the parrot of pabulum you have become.
Is the feeling mutual? Do you also want to avoid talking to me? Thank goodness! What a relief! I don't want to hear your third hand recital of state-sanctioned slogans, and you don't want to consume anything that is not pre-chewed for you. Parting has become more sweet than sorrow.
Yes, we can still be old friends. And should you cultivate a non-uniform thought, please give me a call. Should that not happen, I will see you at the next funeral.
