Friday, June 26, 2015

An Immodest Proposal: June 25 Is National Gruber Day

June 25, 2015 will live on in infamy. On that glorious day The Roberts Court cemented the ethos of Jonathan Gruber.

Let us confirm and celebrate the age of Gruber. True, it might be a stretch to assign all credit to one man when there are thousands of Gruberoids serving in the Beltway. But Jonathan Gruber is the perfect icon for insider deception, privilege and duplicity. Historians might refer to the current White House Occupants as The Gruber Administration.

America needs a new summer holiday. July 4 celebrates slavery and genocide and intolerance. The American flag is offensive to some people and should no longer be saluted. The Obama logo shall replace Old Glory and the face of Jonathan Gruber will displace the faces of Patrick Henry and all those other slavers.

From coast to coast city fathers will honor Gruber Day by making patently false promises: Free health care, preferred doctors, preferred plans, departed loved ones rising from the grave and maybe even photo ops with Barack Obama. Parade routes with wrong times and wrong places will be distributed to the idiots. If the parade is to start at 1 PM on Main Street, the Gruberoids will announce that it shall commence at 2 PM on Elm Street. The day will conclude not with a passe fireworks display but with video of the heroic Jonathan Gruber reciting his blissful story of deceiving stupid Americans for their own good.

Let us honor Jonathan Gruber now and forever. Let's place his face on our currency and revere his contributions on June 25. He lied for our good. Let us henceforth celebrate National Gruber Day. Yes We Can!

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