Thursday, April 14, 2016

New Contract With America: The J. Boner Proposal

Thank you J. Boner for your contribution.

1. Congress will institute mandatory earmarks for all future legislation.

2. Congress will deny chairmanship to any legislator who publicly advocates a position of fiscal responsibility.

3. The GOP will use the full force of its political and financial capital to purge from its ranks legislators who identify with or are supported by the Tea Party movement.

4. Congress shall fund green fees for any civil servant who once served the public in the capacity of Speaker of the House.

5. Congress shall subsidize the purchase of foreign and domestic spirits for any civil servant who once served the public in the capacity of Speaker of the House.

6. Congress shall fund tanning salon fees for any civil servant who once served the public in the capacity of Speaker of the House.

7. Congress shall fund a monument that appropriately pays homage to the manhood of our 44th president.

8. Congress shall fund a monument that appropriately pays homage to the taut butt cheeks of our 44th president.

9. Congress shall fund a monument that appropriately pays homage to the soft skin of our 44th president.

10. Congress shall fund a monument that appropriately pays homage to the sweet fragrance of our 44th president.

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