Subject: The year in review - 2009 A.D.
Funny! Horrifying! Brilliant! . . . and all too painfully true.
The Year in Moonbattery - 2009
Posted by Gregory of Yardale at December 31, 2009
Let's take a quick look back at the first year in the new era of Hope and Change, shall we?
January - The Moonbat Messiah was inaugurated before a crowd that made rude chants at the departing President Bush and completely and utterly trashed the National Mall. And that was just the news media. The Moonbat Messiah immediately began filling his cabinet with tax cheats, dirty lawyers, radical communists, and eugenicists. One of his first acts was to sign a $787 Billion "Stimulus" package that promised to restore the USA to economic prosperity by the fall.
February - Obama's EPA began laying the groundwork to declare all human activity subject to Government regulation, via the human capacity for CO2 production, which the EPA designated a deadly gas despite the fact that plants need it to survive. The right-wing began to make jokes about Obama's Teleprompter dependency. It would be eight months before the left would do the same.
March - The Green Left designated polar bears the official iconic megafauna of the Global Warming Hoax, using a picture of some bears on an ice floe to claim that the big white beasts were facing extinction (when, in the real world, their numbers are increasing.) Lady M'Chel put in an appearance at soup kitchen and showed off her $540 kicks. Obama also rewarded his friends in Hamas with $900 Million in taxpayer dollars to thank them for their incessant rocket attacks against Israel.
Oh, and Keith Olbermann pitched a snit fit when Ann Coulter revealed that his prized Cornell degree actually came from Cornell's cow college affiliate.
April - It was discovered the Global Warmists were lying about sea ice melting away. Obama sent Air Force 1 to buzz lower Manhattan, just for kicks and giggles. Benedict Arlen Specter made a principled decision to become a Democrat when polls showed he was cheese toast if he ran as a Republican. Also, the totally free market "don't you dare call them socialists" government of B. Hussein Obama completed the nationalization of General Motors, with the Government and their union allies owning 80% of the company after telling investors who had loaned the companies billions "Be gone, Running Dog parasites! The means of production belong to the workers now."
In response to the predations of the Obamunists, a round of tea-parties were held to correspond with April 15th tax day. Distinguished journalists like Anderson Cooper and Rachel Maddow giggled like fifth graders at the word "tea-bag."
May -- The Progressive Left focused its rage and scorn on a person who represented the most serious threat to the American way of life in all the 233 years of the Republic's existence. I refer, of course, to Carrie Prejean; who received the kind of treatment from the mainstream media Hitler might have gotten had he been caught throwing puppies into a wood chipper.
June -- It was discovered that the EPA was burying memos that said Global Warming wasn't actually happening, per se. Also, 62 year old "comedian" David Letterman took a break from molesting the interns in his Manhattan production company to make some rape jokes about Sarah Palin's daughters; because it's just so funny when 62 year old men make lecherous jokes about young teenage girls.
President Barack Obama demonstrated his administration's commitment to transparency and the rule of law by firing an Inspector General who was investigating massive corruption on the part of one of M'Chel's cronies.
The Iranian Regime responded to pro-democracy demonstrations by brutally cracking down on protesters, murdering some in the street, and rounding up others for summary execution. To show his concern and support for democracy, President Obama went out and bought ice cream for his dog.
July --- Patriots celebrated the 4th of July with more tea parties to rouse a resistance against a president and a congress hellbent on tearing down the Republic the founding fathers fought so hard and sacrificed so much to bring into being. A West Coast blogger found a book co-authored by Obama's technology czar in which he advocated forced sterilizations and coerced abortions as a means of population control. Lefties defended him by saying, "It was the '70's." Not a reassuring defense given their moonbat messiah president's fondness for Jimmy Carter's policies. Meanwhile, crazy, lying, FoxNews personality Glenn Beck put up some crazy story about how Obama's (Ho!Ho!Ho!) Green Jobczar Van Jones was a radical communist 911 troofer. Beck was denounced as lying, insane, and dangerous. Within two weeks, Van Jones resigned in the middle of the night because ... well, because Beck was right. Keith Olbermann demanded that Beck be fired and threatened to engage in deranged, vituperative rants on his show every night until that happened.
Also, a racist Harvard professor got into a dispute with a white cop. PBO... who would later admonish Americans not to "jump to conclusions" about a mass murdering jihadist at Fort Hood and an attempting mass-murdering jihadist in Detroit... immediately declared in a press conference that the cop had "acted stupidly" while admitting he didn't know all the facts of the case.
And, a peer-reviewed article in the Journal of Geophysical Research confirmed that climate cycles are natural and Global Warming is a hoax.
August -- Democrat Congresspersons heard from their constituents on the Obama-Pelosi Health Care bill. Since they didn't like what they heard, they announced that all future contact with constituents would be limited to registered members of the SEIU. The SEUI responded by beating up black people and old ladies outside townhall meetings. One especially zealous thug bit off a guy's finger. Lefties responded with, "Under ObamaCare, people who have their fingers bitten off by Union Thugs will have them sewed back on for free," leaving out the word "eventually."
The infamous "Obama as Joker" poster appeared. Leftists went into apoplectic fits at this heresy against the Messiah, and pointed out that no president in history had ever been defaced in such a horrible, insulting, defamatory way.
The Government began a phenomenally successful program called "Cash for Clunkers" in which perfectly serviceable automobiles were destroyed and rendered inoperable in exchange for vehicles with marginally better fuel economy at an estimated cost of $24,000 per vehicle.
Senator Ted Kennedy died, leaving John Kerry and Barney Frank to carry on the legacy of horrendously destructive far-left Democrat legislators from Massachusetts.
September --- PBO cancelled the US Missile Defense program for Eastern Europe, because he believed this show of "Smart Diplomacy" would convince Iran not to pursue its nuclear weapons program. In other news of smart diplomacy, Obama warmly welcomed Mo Qaddafi, Hugo Chavez, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejihad to the opening session of the UN. Not invited: The legitimate, constitutional leader of Honduras. Obama also declared the 9-11 should no longer be considered a day of remembrance, but instead a day in which the workers should offer the labors for the glory of the state.
During an address to Congress, Congressman Joe Wilson responded to one of Obama's many, many lies by shouting "You lie!" The left was again outraged, and pointed out that no president had ever, ever been heckled while giving a speech to Congress before.
California's farmers... driven to insolvency by a judge's edict to preserve a two inch fish... appealed to their senators to turn the water back on. The senators replied, "Sucks to be you, losers" and "Don't call me, Ma'am!"
NY Times columnist David Brooks revealed that he first fell in love with Obama while staring at the crease in his pants. A deranged Keith Olberman claimed he had the largest audience in cable news. If only Neilsen would count the voices in people's heads, it might be true.
Meanwhile, Glenn Beck... the man who always lies ... played tapes of ACORN offering to facilitate tax fraud, illegal immigration, and child prostitution. Democrats immediately demanded an investigation... of the two journalists who exposed ACORN's illegal activities.
Airstrip One officially recognized environmentalism as a religion. As soon as they designate economics a superstition, the transition to leftist belief will be complete.
October --- PBO was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. While admitting that he had accomplished nothing, the Nobel Committee said he deserved the award for being so "clean and articulate."
When word was leaked that Rush Limbaugh might become a 2% owner in the St. Louis Rams, the progressive left MSM publicized a number of racist quotations that... um... Limbaugh never actually said. When confronted, the MSM responded, "Who are you going to believe? Us, or a racist who wanted James Earl Ray to receive the Congressional Medal of Honor."
And Glenn Beck... the man who always lies ... played a video of Obama's Communications Director praising Chairman Mao and licking her lips like Mr. Ed going for the peanut butter. A few weeks later, she was gone.
November -- Republicans handily won the governorships in New Jersey and Virginia, and lost in a three way congressional race in NY in which no Republican was running. The left pointed to this as proof that conservatism was dead, dead, dead! Also, Sarah Palin sold about two million copies of her book, Going Rogue, which drove the left absolutely insane. David Letterman was hailed as a hero for not giving into a blackmailer who threatened to reveal the fact that he had sexually harassed many female interns. The interns were allowed to keep the Palin wigs after their encounters.
Also, leaked emails from Climate Scienticians proved that climate data were altered and deleted to artificially create "proof" of human-caused Global Warming. Progressive Leftists responded that the data that went into the Climate Change models were every bit as valid as the data that showed job creation under the Stimulus.
December -- An enormous contingent of moonbats flew to Copehagen in a veritable air force of private jets, generating as much CO2 in a week as an African country emits in a year, to save the planet from the dire consequences of wasteful CO2 production. And just to prove He has a sense of humor, God dumped half a foot of snow on them.
Senate Democrats finally passed a version of ObamaCare using last minute bribes to Senators Mary "Hello Sailor" Landrieu and Ben "Love You Long Time" Nelson.
On Christmas Day, a jihadist came within seconds of detonating a bomb on an aircraft with 278 people on board. The Secretary of Homeland Security declared that the system had worked perfectly, and the TSA would avoid future near-disasters by making it illegal for passengers to leave their seats during the last hour of a flight.
One year down, three to go... if we're lucky