Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize. Good work puppeteers! And congratulations, Nobel Prize Award Committee Important People. This selection will help us forget the Arafat and Gore selections. And Obama is working on his acceptance speech now.
"What took you folks so long? My divine essence was obvious years ago. Where were you then? I could have used this resume filler when I was campaigning for my current gig. Sure, the cash prize is nice but my wife gave up some serious hay to move to DC. When is she getting her prize? And when is Ayers getting his prize so he can stop bugging me about book royalties. You want a flowery acceptance speech? Give Ayers the prize and tell him our tab is settled.
I someday hope to learn Austrian so that when I win my second Nobel Prize I can talk to you folks in your native tongue. My kids love Swiss chocolate by the way. Let me say from the bottom of my heart that I do not consider the Swiss typical white persons.
Do you only give one prize per year? That's too bad because I was all over the Skip Gates thing and I didn't get so much as bonus frequent flyer miles. I bought peace to the town halls of America and I bought peace to American Industry. General Motors has never been so peaceful. I did a whole bunch of other shit too, but there isn't time to list my countless achievements.
In passing, I would like to invite all of the folks of Switzerland to America where you could serve in the capacity of community organizers. We need you to vote in the 2012 elections. Don't worry about being a United States citizen, that is no longer an issue. You are citizens of the world and you have shown the proper respect for your social superiors. Help us change that stupid Constitutional Amendment that says a President can only serve three terms. Yes we can!
Ich bin auch ein Stockholmer!"
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