Sunday, December 27, 2009

Hiatus Coming to an End?

I sure hope so! If all goes well, I will be blogging maniacally in 2010.

In the meantime, I would like to plug a worthy site. It seems that Craig and Sandford and Limbaugh have not cornered the market on hypocrisy.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Moving, etc.

I am moving at the end of December to much smaller quarters. In the meantime I am liquidating rooms of stuff (some might say junk.)

Giant sigh. Climategate in unfolding and I am stuck on the sidelines at least until 2010. this should have been a wonderful Thanksgiving but I spent a lot of time packing and organizing and so on.

I miss my little blog.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Sweden in Grips of Islam

Ordinarily this item would go on Wild Card Wednesday but this blogster has fallen far off his routine. Transportation problems, a vicious and prolonged cold and all of the hassles one associates with the changing of addresses have kept me isolated from blogsville.

We could see sporadic posting in the foreseeable future.


Monday, November 16, 2009

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Birth Certificate vs. Indonesian Citizenship

I believe Obama was born in Hawaii and was therefore born a US citizen. However, his Indonesian citizenship is more suspicious. It is very possible that Obama is not a US citizen and that he is guarded of his records because they will reveal this information.


Monday, November 2, 2009

Media Monday: MSNBC Editing

I have stated before that my favorite book on the news media is "The Myth of Heterosexual AIDS." The author illustrates how the media can be amazingly deceptive without telling an overt lie. In keeping with that spiriit of selective honesty, we offer the following clip.


Sunday, November 1, 2009

Why Johnny Can't Read

Because rudimentary literacy has been displaced by Obama worship.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Mr. Vice President: Silence is Golden.

Vice President Cheney: It is one matter to criticize the current administration on their rumblings of prosecuting CIA agents and other American heroes. It is quite another to second guess the President's action in a time of war. A lot of us thought it reckless when the Dems publicly second-guessed every action in Iraq and Afghanistan. The chorus of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" grew stale real fast. More annoying was the certainty that most of the comments were purely political and would not have been leveled against a fellow party member.

Recall 1980. The Iranians held our embassy and a presidential election was underway on the home front. Ronald Reagan adamantly refused to politicize the hostage situation. He would deliver the canned line about supporting his President in whatever action he took. Reagan politicized everything else, of course, but the hostages were off-limits.

Meanwhile Ted Kennedy exploited the hostage situation. Kennedy lost the nomination to Carter and Carter lost to Reagan in the Fall. The lessons are obvious: One, Ronald Reagan had more class than Ted Kennedy . Two, the American people can distinguish between class and crass. Three, a political candidate need not politicize everything. Four, public fugures should exercise caution when criticizing their leaders during times of international conflict.

Your criticism is especially unwise because you had two terms to win this war. You did leave Obama with a mess. Try practicing the principles of Ronald Reagan on this particular issue. It's time to button your lip. Hold your peace. Let it go. Please let it go.

Mr. Vice President, show some class.

Giving Credit Where It Is Due

Kudos to the Obama Administration's decision to refrain from prosecuting medical marijuana users in states where usage is legal under state law. It is the only instance I can think of where the administration actually charted the course of lesser spending. As a fiscal conservative, I applaud this measure.

This particular issue brings to the fore the uneasy alliance between fiscal conservatives and social conservatives. When push comes to shove fiscal conservatives always get stabbed in the back by the GOP. Always. The GOP proves over and over again that they are almost as creative as the Dems in wasting your money. The same blunderbust who blasts fraud and waste will turn himself into a mindless cheerleader when the criminal justice system is involved. The Republicans take pride in their lesser reckless spending. "The GOP: Destroying Our Country Only Half As Fast As The Dems."

So I will summarize all that is praiseworthy about Obama. 1. He wasted those pirates on the high seas. 2. He stopped a blatant waste of tax dollars by curbing the DOJ henchmen.

If Obama does anything else praiseworthy, I will again give credit where credit is due.

More Nobel


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Nobel Prize Redux

I believe that the Nobel Peace Prize will be viewed as a turning point for Obama. It makes moderates and even some Obama supporters realize this guy has always received gross preferential treatment. Always. Always. Always. We stacked the Presidential deck for him. Why not stack every other prize for him as well? Why not splice together some news clips, call it a movie and hand him an Oscar? Why not edit his speeches, put it on a CD and give him a Grammy? He's on TV enough. Why not give him an Emmy for the best performance by a sitting president.

What is interesting about the Nobel selection is that even his most passionate ass kissers seem confused by this award. In desperate efforts to justify the award they often ilustrate Obama's vapidity better than his opponents do.

Case in point:


This guy seems to be taken off-guard by the announcement so he attacks Republicans.



This guy summarizes the sham.


Head Gasket

I still have not resolved the head gasket/transportation problem. Giant sigh.

Mao-Maoing the Flack Catchers

I hate to echo material Glenn Beck has on his show with his mega-ratings. But if he is the only person exposing the's not like I can shop around at CNN or MSNBC. This is frightening.


Friday, October 23, 2009

Head Gasket

I blew a head gasket on my Sentra recently. In most of America, if you don't drive or have access to an automobile, you are in a bad way. I cannot begin to tell you how many dominoes have fallen as a result of this head gasket. Actually, the two minor repairs that preceded the blown head gasket also toppled a few of the tiles.

The domino that concerns us here is this blog. The sudden loss of transportation has lead me to perform ongoing cost/benefit analyses of repair vs. salvage. It also lead me to investigate used vehicles, new vehicles, rental cars, housing near my worksite, company policies concerning benefit time, work at home opportunities and much, much more.

Most of this post does not concern the White House but if the Cash for Clunkers program was still in effect, I would suspend my principles and take the $4500 trade-in. Then again, a Sentra might not qualify as a clunker in any condition.

Just a reminder to all the ladies in the audience that I will consider marriage to any woman who happens to have a nice little commuter car with low miles stashed away in her garage. Interested parties should email this site and attach a picture of the commuter car. Bonus points for minimal tread wear.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Editors Take a Junket

The editorial staff took a few days off to visit the world's largest casino. We tried to outsource the content in our absence but let's face it: no one does editorials like Americans. We had to kill headlines like "Obama Laugh Talk" and "Hair to the Chief" and "Peace Cargo for Obama." To someone who can remember when corkscrews did not break and steak knives did not rust, the offshore content just did not warm the heart.

So, we seem to be back in the groove. "No Eat Bo Dog" will not be our headlines anytime soon.

Martin Gross: A Sane Man in a World Gone Mad


Friday, October 9, 2009

Just When You Thought You Had Seen it All

Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize. Good work puppeteers! And congratulations, Nobel Prize Award Committee Important People. This selection will help us forget the Arafat and Gore selections. And Obama is working on his acceptance speech now.

"What took you folks so long? My divine essence was obvious years ago. Where were you then? I could have used this resume filler when I was campaigning for my current gig. Sure, the cash prize is nice but my wife gave up some serious hay to move to DC. When is she getting her prize? And when is Ayers getting his prize so he can stop bugging me about book royalties. You want a flowery acceptance speech? Give Ayers the prize and tell him our tab is settled.

I someday hope to learn Austrian so that when I win my second Nobel Prize I can talk to you folks in your native tongue. My kids love Swiss chocolate by the way. Let me say from the bottom of my heart that I do not consider the Swiss typical white persons.

Do you only give one prize per year? That's too bad because I was all over the Skip Gates thing and I didn't get so much as bonus frequent flyer miles. I bought peace to the town halls of America and I bought peace to American Industry. General Motors has never been so peaceful. I did a whole bunch of other shit too, but there isn't time to list my countless achievements.

In passing, I would like to invite all of the folks of Switzerland to America where you could serve in the capacity of community organizers. We need you to vote in the 2012 elections. Don't worry about being a United States citizen, that is no longer an issue. You are citizens of the world and you have shown the proper respect for your social superiors. Help us change that stupid Constitutional Amendment that says a President can only serve three terms. Yes we can!

Ich bin auch ein Stockholmer!"

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Sunday Worship Repeat

I posted this before but it was removed at Youtube for TOS violation. I get suspicious when that happens.


Saturday, October 3, 2009

Sellebrity Saturday: Bono

The lesson here is not that Bono coasted on his work from the early 80's or that he suffers from chronic twit syndrome or that he is a Lear Jet Liberal. We already knew those things. The more serious lesson is that Republicans can NEVER, repeat NEVER reach out to the other side. Bush did that throughout his tenure and with each olive branch, the opposition hated him even more. Bush sold out the US taxpayer to accomodate Bono's pet project and poor George can't get a hug from a beautiful person.


Thursday, October 1, 2009

Who is Your Ghost?

The editors have been fair to President Obama. We only covered the birther/citizenship issue after it took on a life of its own as a news event. We have kept mum about the claims of limo drivers. We have also dodged the question "Did Obama have a ghost writer?"

We'll continue to ignore the limo driver but the ghost writer has staked out its own territory. For over a year rumors have circulated that William Ayers, the radical bomber, either collaborated or helped or wrote Obama's two books. A friend of mine emailed me months ago about this but I refused to broach the subject here. Then I saw a youtube vid where Ayers was questioned about this and he unequivocably denied it. Good enough for me.

Now, "American Thinker" rips the subject wide open. The evidence is circumstantial but it is intriguing. Please look it over.

BTW, there are older articles at this site from 2008. They grow more interesting with the passing of time.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Wild Card Wednesday: Wolf Blitzer vs. Michael Moore

What does the the 1% of our economic elite look like? He looks like a Manhattan fat cat who tries really, really hard to affect a blue collar image. This is Moore at his finest. He compares himself to Washington and Jefferson. He flaunts his moral superiority at every turn. He suggests that he is carrying on the work of people who have taken a vow of poverty. Ultimately, it is all about Michael.


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Summer Roundup Continued

More of the Town Hall Summer.




What a Summer It Was!

In light of what might be a new era of political activism We give you some of the best of town hall meetings not posted previously at this site.




Saturday, September 26, 2009

Can't Wait Till Sunday Worship

This week was a busy one for our editors and we have fallen behind in our postings. We were hoping to hold this one back till Sunday but now it is all over the place. This is a rare video. It makes you want to laugh, cry, scream in anger and recoil in horror all at once. How many videos can make that claim.

If the cultish nature of Obama supporters has been dismissed, we wish to enter item #297 into evidence.


Monday, September 21, 2009

Received in Email

I don't pass along EVERYTHING I happen to receive in email. Some of those epistles are way out there. Way out there. But I received this today and I agree with what is said.

"Michael Connelly is a Constitutional lawyer and has read the entire health care bill. He has some comments, not just about the bill, but also about the effects to our Constitution it would have. It's a much broader picture than just health care "reform."

This blog concentrates on my concerns as an attorney about the imminent and growing threats to our Constitution and our form of government. We have reason to be very afraid of what is happening.


Well, I have done it! I have read the entire text of proposed House Bill 3200: fhe Affordable Health Care Choices Act of 2009. I studied it with particular emphasis from my area of expertise, constitutional law. I was frankly concerned that parts of the proposed law that were being discussed might be unconstitutional. What I found was far worse than what I had heard or expected.

To begin with, much of what has been said about the bill and its implications is in fact true, despite what the Democrats and the media are saying. The bill does provide for rationing of health care, particularly where senior citizens and other classes of citizens are involved, free health care for illegal immigrants, free abortion services, and probably forced participation in abortions by members of the medical profession.

The bill will also eventually force private insurance companies out of business and put everyone into a government-run system. All decisions about personal health care will ultimately be made by federal bureaucrats, and most of them will not be health care professionals. Hospital admissions, payments to physicians, and allocations of necessary medical devices will be strictly controlled.

However, as scary as all of that is, it just scratches the surface. In fact, I have concluded that

this legislation really has no intention of providing affordable health care choices. Instead, it is a convenient cover for the most massive transfer of power to the Executive Branch of government that has ever occurred, or even been contemplated. If this law or a similar one is adopted, major portions of the Constitution of the United States will effectively have been destroyed.

The first thing to go will be the masterfully crafted balance of power between the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial branches of the U.S. Government. The Congress will be transferring to the current Administration authority in a number of different areas over the lives of the American people and the businesses they own. The irony is that the Congress doesn't have any authority to legislate in most of those areas to begin with. I defy anyone to read the text of the U.S.. Constitution and find any authority granted to the members of Congress to regulate health care.

The paragraph below is really frightening.

This legislation also provides for access by the appointees of this administration of all of your personal health care information, your personal financial information, and the information of your employer, physician, and hospital. All of this is a direct violation of the specific provisions of the 4th Amendment to the Constitution protecting against unreasonable searches and seizures. You can also forget about the right to privacy. That will have been legislated into oblivion regardless of what the 3rd and 4th Amendments may provide.

If you decide not to have health care insurance or if you have private insurance that is not deemed "acceptable" to the "Health Choices Administrator" appointed by President, there will be a tax imposed on you. It is called a "tax" instead of a fine because of the intent to avoid application of the due process clause of the 5th Amendment. However, that doesn't work because since there is nothing in the law that allows you to contest or appeal the imposition of the tax, it is definitely depriving someone of property without due process of law.

So, there are three of those pesky amendments that the far left hate so much out the original ten in the Bill of Rights that are effectively nullified by this law. It doesn't stop there, though. The 9th Amendment provides, "The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people." The 10th Amendment states, "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are preserved to the States respectively, or to the people." Under the provisions of this proposed bill, neither the people nor the states are going to have any rights or powers at all in many areas that once were theirs to control.

I could write many more pages about this legislation, but I think you get the idea. This is not about health care; it is about seizing power and limiting rights. Article 6 of the Constitution requires the members of both houses of Congress to "be bound by oath or affirmation" to support the Constitution. If I were a member of Congress, I would not be able to vote for this legislation or anything like it without feeling I was violating that sacred oath or affirmation. If I voted for it anyway, I would hope the American people would hold me accountable.

For those who might doubt the nature of this threat, I suggest they consult the source. Here is a link to the Constitution:

And another to the Bill of Rights: ;

There you can see exactly what we are about to have taken from us, if the left wing Democrats have their way.

Michael Connelly
Retired attorney,
Constitutional Law Instructor

Carrollton, Texas

Michael Connelly

I also teach law courses via the Internet through colleges and universities worldwide. To find a college or university near you, go to Education To Go's website at"

Media Monday: Media Double Speak

3:50 sums up the entire obama campaign and actually his very essence. The juxtaposition of two ideas. 1. It's all about his race. 2. Race doesn't matter.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Is 'Wuss' The New N-Word?

Yo, Mr. President! Take a Midol. Hell, take two Midol. Better yet, wipe that make-up off your face and grow a pair. You are embarrassing us.

We need to specifically address the overplaying of the race card. 'Socialist' is the new n-word? 'Liar' is the new n-word? Let us skip over the fact that you called Sarah Palin a liar just minutes before your delicate feelings were trampled under foot. Tea party protestors are racist? Skeptics of your health care prposals are racist? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

It's time to dry your tears, Ethel. The job comes with heat. A lot of heat. Too much heat as far as I am concerned. We all had our criticisms of Bush but he was treated brutally. Brutally. But he stood up and took it like a man. Same with Clinton. The Starr humiliation was a national disgrace. But Clinton took the heat. So did his predecessor. And his predecessor. And his predecessor.

Every president sice LBJ has been subject to criticism. Often the criticism was irrational. Often it was cruel. Often it was unjustified. But let's face it. That's part of the job.

Ethel, you have been more pampered than any president in at least a half century. You might be the most pampered president since George Washington, a man whose payment of dues was never questioned. The media still fawn over you unlike anyone we have ever seen. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. But even kissing can leave a bruise now and then, huh Ethel?

Free advice, Ethel. Stop playing the race card every hand. It makes you look weak. Weak. Weak. It does make you look like a wuss. Be a man, Mr. President. Please be a man.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

How Big Was The Crowd in DC?

When I read "The Myth of Heterosexual AIDS" I learned that the media are capable of distortion and dishonesty without ever actually lying. The 9/12 march in Washington illustrates that this is still the case. "Thousands of marchers" is just as truthful as "dozens of marchers." But how many were really there? That estimate varies but let it be said that the MSM were low-balling the figure.

Judge for yourselves, ladies and gentlemen.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Maudlin Media Monday

Once more, folks. Obama is descended from slave owners, not slaves. And he is not from West Africa, the homeland of America's slaves. He is from Kenya, a country that did not participate in Western slave trade.


Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sunday Worship: Crying

I have to admit I wanted to cry for myself on election night and I have wanted to cry for my counry a few times since then. BTW, is that Mark Sanford at 2:08?


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Canadian Doctor Shortage

Canada has an ongoing doctor shortage. For a variety of reasons Canadian physicians frequently flee The Great White North. They usually settle in America.

Here is the tip of the iceberg of an interesting subject.


Kennedy and The KGB

OK, we said good things about the recently departed and those of us who did not say good things mostly kept their comments to themselves. But life goes on and the flags will fly high and we cannot ignore an ugly facet of history.

What is that ugly facet? It is the well-documented fact that Senator Ted Kennedy secretly consulted with the KGB during the height of the Cold War. As despicable as this crime happens to be, the larger scandal is that the news media soft-pedaled, whitewashed, killed, spiked, covered-up and ignored one of the biggest stories of the 20th Century.

The story of the cover-up has massive ripples. Sometimes one news story provides us the perfect scale model. America writ small. The media writ small. Politics writ small. Things have not changed that much since 1983 in the mainstream media. Then, the media considered Reagan a greater enemy than the Soviet Union. Two decades later, they would portray Bush as a greater enemy than Islamic terrorism. They still villify Dick Cheney in a way they would never villify America's enemies. And whoever the GOP props up in the near future will be treated accordingly.

The KGB collaboration might prove to be the most enduring and the most historically significant scandal involving the Lion of The Senate. For the press, it might be the greatest story barely told. For the rest of us, the scandal is a sobering reminder of how things really work.

While I hope Ted rests in peace, I hope this story will be dug out of its crypt and will be viewed in the light of the sun.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Now That We Don't Have Van Jones To Kick Around Any More...

Who will our next hacky sack be? How about Cass Sunstein? This guy will frighten any red-blooded American. Hell, this guy would frighten red-blooded Cubans.

"And Everyone's Getting Fat 'Cept Mama Cass..."

Monday, September 7, 2009

Media Monday: Levi Johnston, Superstar

Levi Johnston impregnated Sarah Palin's daughter and then refused to marry her. Not too much unusual so far. But then, Levi Johnston became the darling of the news media. Whereas every other political fugure in US history has been granted a ceasefire after they lose, the rules of engagement are different for Sarah Palin.

Obama's lapdogs have attacked Palin personally and her family is considered fair game. A coordinated attack involving bogus ethical violations cost her a half million dollars and forced her to step down from the office of governor. Since her resignation, the attacks have not slowed down a bit.

Levi Johnston has become a media fixture by bashing the entire Palin family. Will his career peak with his nude pose at a gay men's website? I doubt it very much. Kato Kaelin and Roger Clinton and Linda Tripp have faded away. But as long as Levi Johnston can remember one more detail of his time with the abominable snow people, he will remain a darling of the news media. Levi Johnston: Superstar

Levi Johnston poses for "Playgirl." True but you can find your own damn link for that story.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Newsflash: Van Jones's Next Gig

Shortly after posting our poll on Van Jones's next gig, we received a tweet announcing Mr. Jones's plans. Mr. Jones intends to spend the rest of his life searching for the real 9/11 killers. The poll will remain in place, however, because real killer searching doesn't provide a steady income and we can think of at least one other acolyte who had to resort to other streams of revenue to provide for his loved ones.

Twitter update. Van Jones has secured an agent, presumably to assist him in hunting for the real 9/11 killers.

We Won't Have Van Jones to Kick Around Any More

Looks like a fifteen minute timer went off. Guess we have seen the last of Van Jones. Not so fast. Warhol did not foresee reality TV, infomercials, and the Internet. If Flava Flav, or Flavor Flav, or Flava Flave can reinvent a career that never was, Van Jones cannot be far behind.

I would like to say that we'll miss Van Jones but I have a suspicion he will be in our livingrooms and desktops in the very near future.

Sunday Worship: Obama on My Mind


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Town Hall Montage




Wild Card Wednesday: Robert Byrd

America's favorite Klansman captured in all of his luster and splendor.


The first time I heard this was on the radio and I joined it in midstream. I thought some tasteless fool was making fun of the unfortunate announcement concerning Senator Kennedy. Senator Byrd was being all too genuine.


Jimmy Kimmel spins a Byrd moment. This clip is more sad than funny, in my not humble opinion. Oh well.



And finally...


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Turkey Tuesday: Equal Time for Silly People

This guy says a mouthful. A mouthful of what? I don't know. He is all over the place. But at 4:20 he says something in effect that if every senator read every bill, all they would do is read bills. SO?????


Monday, August 31, 2009

Masterpiece Monday

I always liked this song but I knew the first time I heard it that it lends itself to parody. It's sing-songy melody invites the listener to supply his own words. Sure enough, the first time I searched vids for this song, there were already bunches of parodies.

This is a masterpiece of parody. The images, the turns of phrase, the timing. Perfection!


Masterpiece Monday: Equal Time for Lemmings


Masterpiece Monday: Also Ran


Masterpiece Monday: Equal Time For Idiots

This is amazingly stupid but it does show how skillfully the Obots played the race card. Johnny Cochrane would be proud.


Masterpiece Monday: Equal Time For Obama Supporters


Equal Time For Obama Supporters


Masterpiece Monday: The Also Rans.


Masterpiece Monday: The Hits Just Keep On Coming

Not as visually pleasing, but it touches all the other bases.


Equal Time For Obama Supporters

This kid is good. He seems to be an Obama supporter but he knowingly or otherwise exposes the shallow logic of Obama's minions. Then again, maybe this is satire supreme. You decide.


Thursday, August 27, 2009

Speaking of Bumper Stickers...

While we are on the subject of bumper stickers, I am told that there are still a few of these jewels left for the discerning stickee. But you better hurry. These are classics that can only increase in value with each passing day. Order now!

Variations on a Theme: Bumper Sticker Hope

The following images were lifted from ebay bumper stickers. Please patronize the creators.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

On the Passing Of Ted Kennedy

I lived in Massachusetts and had a couple of chances to vote for Ted Kennedy, both of which I declined. If we both lived to be a thousand, I would never vote for Kennedy. And I don't think that he and other limousine liberals have ever cared about poor people or working people beyond their capacity to be used as political pawns. I was not a fan of Teddy.

Yet, I somehow feel a contact high from all the maudlin news coverage. A fixture has left us. Almost as if one of the faces at Rushmore fell off the bluff. Teddy has always been Senator. Always. Always. Always.

There is a lot to be said about Teddy, but while the flags are at half staff I'll keep the comments subdued. Teddy, possibly more than any other man, ushered in the modern era of conservative politics. Had Teddy run in 1976, he would have won his party's nomination and the press would have treated him the way they now treat Obama. He would have been unbeatable.

But Teddy waited for 1980 to challenge a sitting president of his own party. Had he waited another four years, he would have been in a position to run a strong campaign regardless of whether Carter had won or lost. Instead, Teddy divided the Democratic Party that was still riding the Watergate Wave. Had it not been for Ted Kennedy, America might remember Ronald Reagan as a beautiful loser crafted in the Barry Goldwater mold. Conservatism as we know it might never have gotten off the launching pad.

And of course, Teddy had entertainment value. When the flags fly high once more I will play a call he made to a local radio station. Ahh Ted. With you, there is a facet for everyone to love. Rest in Peace, Ted.

Wild Card Wednesday: Just Because We Don't Trust Obama, Doesn't Mean We Trust Republicans

Years ago this editor laid out the blueprint for a zine that was going to be entitled "Untimely Death." Then the Internet destroyed the zine scene. It took this editor almost a decade to adjust to the technological changes. In that time, a lot of people he had selected for ficticious death had died in real life. Times had changed. "Untimely Death" closed after one night. But it is still fun to reminisce.

Eulogies for William Bennett
"In 1980 Ronald Reagan ran a presidential campaign against the very essence of William Bennett," gurgled Apparatchik Union Chief Donna Shalala, gallantly choking back the tears. "By 1990 America had become William Bennett."

A moist-eyed National Association of Bureaucrats President Bob Bunyon followed Shalala to the makeshift podium hastily constructed in the churchyard of the standing room only Our Lady of Duplicate Forms Church. "William Bennett served as director of The National Endowment for the Humanities, a position he later admitted to be superfluous and called for its elimination. William Bennett served as director of the Department of Education; a position he later admitted was superfluous and called for its elimination. William Bennett served as this country's first drug czar, a position the intellectual wing of his own party admitted to be superfluous and called for its elimination. More than anyone else…" he paused to compose himself. "More than anyone else, William Bennett made obsolescence respectable."

With that praise Bob Bunyon lead his fellow bureaucrats in the highest honor they can bestow upon their peers, the 21-minute snooze. Throughout the Beltway, a sonorous droning filled the air. And long after the 21 minutes had expired, the collective snooze continued for the beloved comrade and it would continue for the duration of the workday. "We really loved this man," Barry McCaffrey explained. "And we had to show our love the only way we know how."

Such was this city's fondness for William Bennett. The endless parroting of a "bureaucrat's bureaucrat", an "opportunist's opportunist", an "apparatchik's apparatchik", understated Washington and America's unbridled affection for the self-titled King of All Virtue.

"He should be the patron saint of sinecures," a damp-eyed Joseph Califano pronounced.

"The patron saint of blather!" Bob Dornan chimed in.

"The patron saint of apparatchiks" Shalala screamed.

"The patron saint of opportunists" C. Everett Koop declared as he cranked away on his butter churn, offering fresh butter to the mourners. Koop is often compared to Bennett for his similar style of grandstanding that transformed him from public servant to celebrity.

Nearby, Doctor Laura Schlessinger having failed to gain access to the church due to the colossal herds of Virtue Keepers desperately crowding the already packed church composed her own mournful praise. "If there hadn't been a drug-addicted drug czar," she said between sniffles, "There could never have been a leg-spreading prude."

Figurehead Guild spokesman Gloria Steinem, who had earlier been trampled by the disorderly mob of Virtue Keepers, composed herself to deliver her own mournful praise. "No one, in the glorious history of our guild, has done more to advance the lot of figureheads than William Bennett…Using his Virtue persona he successfully muscled into boardrooms and onto lecterns. He has permanently elevated the wages and perquisites of figureheads the world over."

Former Attorney General Dick Thornburgh was more effusive in his praise. "More than making obsolescence respectable, he made failure respectful. His term at NEH failed to produce a memorable piece of art. At the Department of Education he oversaw some of the lowest test scores in this nation's history. The position of Drug Czar has become a living monument to futility. He was part of an administration that ushered in the second worst depression of the twentieth century. As a Republican insider he engineered the strategy that allowed a war-winning incumbent president to go down to defeat at the hands of a political nobody. And throughout it all, Benny always collected bigger and bigger checks. No one has failed his way to success like Benny has."

From around the globe the public relations industry sent representatives to observe firsthand the final act of a well-observed career. "We had Benny under the microscope. Yessiree." Stated an anonymous public relations bigwig. "What interested us was not his nicotine patch or his 11AM gin or his dubious virtue or the absence of any discernible work performed while holding a myriad of positions. What interested us was how he was able to use the mainstream media to perform his public relations work for him."

This notion was confirmed by the bevy of (nearby) network executives and producers. Don Hewitt summarized the unanimity. "Yeah it took Doonesbury to expose his nicotine patches and "High Times" to expose his morning gin. We backed off because Benny was our baby.

NBC stalwart Susan Farkas echoed the familiar chords of Bennettmania. "There were three media pets: Ralph Nader, Mario Cuomo and William Bennett. Nader was the yappy poodle, Cuomo the highly trained circus animal and Benny the drooling Saint Bernard. Benny would slobber all over you and make you love it."

But the love-in would not continue forever as factions of Bennett admirers soon clashed over his legacy and the solemn event turned ugly.

The Bennett Legacy
The solemn mood in the churchyard soon grew contentious. Would William Bennett be remembered as an empty vessel? An opportunist par excellence? One of the biggest hypocrites of his era? The mourners soon assembled themselves into three camps: the vapidists, the opportunists and the hypocricists.

The hypocritists were a house divided. Pat Robertson headed up the largest contingent, a group who wanted Bennett to be remembered for the blatant mockery of Christian ethics that was the Bennett-supported drug policies. A group devoted to the Bennett contribution to fiscally conservative hypocrisy championed by Fred Barnes and Emmett Tyrell mingled nearby. A seminal piece in the April 1990 "American Spectator" celebrating tax and spend conservatism as exemplified by William Bennett would serve as an enduring apology for Republican policy for years to come.

While Barnes and Tyrell tried to unite with the small government hypocrites-a diminutive but no less vocal group devoted to the memory of William Bennett as a preacher of small government but a lifelong beneficiary of pork barrel Republicanism-they were flanked by the constitutionalists, a tight knit group of legal scholars spearheaded by Robert Bork They were given to quoting Scripture and legal decisions and were especially enamored with Bennett's contributions to eliminate the 4th, 5th and 8th Amendments.

While the hypocricists mingled with their own kind, the opportunists and vapidists actively lobbied the undecided. "We weren't entirely opposed to his legacy of vapidity" former Reagan staffer and Attorney General Edwin Meese gently explained. "Whereas we acknowledge that William Bennett renounced the very premise of most of his government posts, and that this does indeed show evidence of hypocrisy, the bigger story is that he used each position to leapfrog to a higher paying position."

Annoyed by the suggestion that Bennett was all about paychecks, the hypocricists prodded the opportunists. "How about the DC grandmother who lost her house because her grandson made a drug deal with her phone?" Robert Bork intoned.

"How about the innocent family members summarily indicted on drug conspiracy charges to flush gang members out of hiding?" Emmett Tyrell weaseled.

"How about the five-fold rate at which blacks are arrested on drug charges?" George Will intoned. "Are we going to call Goebbels an opportunist too?"

A ruffled Donna Shalala shouted back at her opposition "What about NEH?"

"What about the Department of Education?" a flustered Joseph Califano shouted.

"What about the Drug Czar gig?" an angry Barry McCaffrey roared.

"The Empower America plum!" Oliver North bellowed.

"The Partnership for a Drug Free America plum!" Mario Cuomo intoned ever so precisely as the less familiar members of the crowd reminded the hypocricists of Bennett's Virtue seminars and imbecilic books.

As the opportunists defended their hero the procession somberly filed out of the church. Soon the bureaucratic snoring overwhelmed the speakers' voices and an infectious slumber filled the churchyard. Not even journalists were spared the epidemic of slumber, this reporter included.

It is unclear how much time passed but this reporter was snapped from his own snoozing by a rowdy mob chanting "Vapid! Vapid! Vapid!" at the tops of their lungs. Nearby a vapidist implored a network executive to never assign any substance to William Bennett. The executive assured the vapidists that he could not do so even if he wanted to.

The unruly mob waved placards of cumulus clouds-the vapidists have proposed that the William Bennett Memorial take the shape of a white, puffy, cloud-at Pat Robertson who had somehow spearheaded the hypocricist coalition. Robertson bravely held his ground until push turned to shove and he was gently lifted back to his feet by his sycophants.

Those who know Pat Robertson know of his habit of wearing lead-lined neckties. Robertson removed his tie in a jiffy and it was transformed into a silk-covered blackjack. Robertson's flailing bludgeon served as his jawbone of an ass, with the vapidists falling like so many Philistines. He carved a path through a wall of humanity, parting vapidists not unlike Moses parting the Red Sea. Delivering his followers into a promised land that served as the Our Lady of Duplicate Forms parking lot, the chosen people sped away in a dust-spraying, rubber-burning motorcade hindered only by a few Vapidists who had thrown themselves under the wheels.

Order was restored to the churchyard as Joseph Califano tried to rally his fellow Opportunists. The Vapidists, despite the carnage inflicted upon them were about to seize the day. "Vapid. Vapid. Vapid." The chant surged in momentum. The Opportunists struggled to unify.

"We aren't entirely opposed to a legacy of vapidity," Tom Hayden pronounced with the aid of a bullhorn. "William Bennett was a truly vapid man." This comment was met with an approving cheer.

"But the Beltway is full of vapid, soulless, beings. What made Benny different was the manner in which he capitalized on his vapidity." Hoots and jeers and chants of "Vapid" started anew.

"Far from being a handicap, he utilized it to his own advantage" Hayden droned on. At this point the bullhorn-projected voice was drowned out by overwhelming chants of "Vapid! Vapid! Vapid!"

As the Vapidists unified in chant and fist-waving the Opportunists pleaded for unity. "Ich bin auch ein Vapidist" Joseph Califano shouted above the din. Other Opportunists were less harmonious and tried to organize counter-chants to compete with the Vapidists. But they were sadly lacking in slogan. Out of nowhere Yoko Ono blasted from speakers and they recognized one of their own. Soon the likes of William Sessions and Kenneth Starr and Donna Shalala and C. Everett Koop were cawing and cooing and purring in unison.

It would be more than the Vapidists could stand. Scuffling ensued. When it seemed a riot was about to erupt the volcanic snoring would reach a deafening pitch and would drown out Yoko's pathetic attempts at singing. Soon the Vapidists would join their comrades in slumber as bodies dropped to the churchyard and the powder keg had been defused. On the surface it would seem the Opportunists had seized the day. But the roaring slumber and the battered, bloodied carcasses lest in the Hypocricists' wake were reminder enough that William Bennett's legacy would be subject to revision.

How would William Bennett ultimately be remembered? A latter day Ponzi? The Babe Ruth of Blather? The Pharaoh of Floaters? The Duke of Drivel? Bennett was laid to rest but we can be assured that his hagiographers will never rest. As one teary-eyed mourner summarized, "More than anyone else, William Bennett embodied what America has become. We see in Bennett reflections of ourselves. He was the soul of America and America has lost her soul."

"Untimely Death" can be viewed in its entirety at the following link. for William Bennett

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Torrential Tuesday: Glenn Beck on Obama's Birthday

Beck nails this one. He is at the top of his game with biting satire. An instant classic.


Monday, August 24, 2009

I Doubt if This is Really Don Rickles But...

This arrived in my email this morning and I am passing it along.


Only Don Rickles could get away with saying this stuff.

Hello, dummies! Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?

Seriously, Senator Reid has a face of a Saint… a Saint Bernard. Now I know why they call you the arithmetic man. You add partisanship, subtract pleasure, divide attention and multiply ignorance. Reid is so physically unimposing, he makes Pee Wee Herman look like Mr. T., and20Reid's so dumb, he makes Speaker Pelosi lo ok like an intellectual... Nevada is soooo screwed! If I were less polite, I'd say Reid makes Kevin Federline look successful.

Speaking of the Speaker... Nancy Pelosi, hubba, hubba! Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity. Seriously, the Speaker may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you.. She really is an idiot. Madame Speaker... want to make twelve bucks the hard way? Pelosi says she's not partisan, but her constituents call her Madame Pelossilini.

Charlie Rangel... still alive and still robbing the taxpayers blind. What does that make, six decades of theft? Rangel's the only man with a rent-controlled mansion. He's the guy who writes our tax laws but forgot to pay taxes on $75 grand in rental income! So why isn't he the Treasury Secretary? Rangel runs more scams than a Nigerian Banker.

Barney Frank… he's a better actor than Fred Flintstone. Consider he and Dodd caused the whole financial meltdown; and they're not only not serving time with Bubba and Rodney, they're still heading up the financial system! Let's all admit it... Barney Frank slobbers more than a sheepdog on Novocain. Did this guy get elected? Oh, that's right... he's from Massachusetts. That's the state that elects Mr. Charisma, John Kerry -- Man of the People!

You know, if Senator Dodd were any more crooked, you could open wine bottles with him. Here's a news flash, Dodd: when your local newspaper calls you a "lying weasel," it may be time to retire. Dodd's involved in more shady deals than the Clintons. Even Rangel looks up to him!

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, I really respect you... especially given your upbringing. All you've overcome... I heard your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory. I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works for you. Personally, I don't think you're a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others? Gibbs does his best expositional work in the bathroom every morning.

As for President Obama, what can I say? They say President Obama's arrogant and aloof, but I don't agree. Now it's true when you enter the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. His mind is open to new ideas -- so open that ideas simply pass through it. Obama lies so much, I was actually surprised to find out his first name really was Barack. Just don't ask about his middle name! But Obama was able to set a record...he actually lied more in 60 days than Bill Clinton. As far as his administration -- what with the tax cheat and lobbyists -- well, in the words of Patches O'Houlihan, "It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there."

With all due respect..


Media Monday: BBC

One of the biggest challenges of editing this website is deciding whether to place items in the "Sunday Worship" file or the "Media Monday" file. They don't make it easy on me.


Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sunday Worship: Is This Guy a Plant?

Zogby established beyond all doubt that Obama got elected by harnessing the dimwit vote. Not all Obama supporters are stupid but most stupid people are Obama supporters. But Julio here is so rapturously stupid one has to wonder if he is on the level. Can Obama supporters really be this ridiculous?

Then again, we don't know how we will act when we meet our personal savior.


Saturday, August 22, 2009

Sellebrity Saturday: Bill Maher and Janeane Garofalo

The vid is entitled "John Fund is a Total Idiot." This might say more about Bill Maher's ever-shrinking audience that has been distilled of all but the Obotomicized, than it does about John Fund's intellect.

Granted, Fund could have handled himself a little better but keep in mind he is being hit in stereo. That was the same formula Maher used to use on "Politically Incorrect." Maher and three panelists would attack the token Christian or conservative or non-Hollywood guest. I have to admit I used to like that show but that is another topic for another time.

It would have been nice if Fund would have asked the Mensa group member to his right to clarify her falsehoods about deregulation. Deregulation is not in Bush's DNA, he was never a deregulator and it would be wonderful to clarify this once and for all. But it can be hard to concentrate when two enraged women are yipping and yapping in each ear.


Friday, August 21, 2009

Frigid Friday: Cap and Trade

If it were not for the health care fix-with-sledge-hammer debate, we would hear more about the potential horrors of cap and trade. It is part of the Obama playbook to fast track legislation before the issue can be discussed. Who gives a damn about the fine print?

I consider cap and trade a more destructive measure than the Kevorkian-inspired health care reform. It is more insidious than health care contamination. It is not a kitchen table/water cooler issue. But this issue will have its day in the sun. Mmm hmmm. I can hardly wait.